If you usually spend the first week of each year filled with regret about the Xmas kilojoules you've consumed, the cash you've spent and the family fights you've witnessed, then why not try prevention this year?
Words: Wendy Howitt
Graphics: Grace Lee
Published in: Inside Out
Hands up who’s hosting this year’s Christmas Day lunch? If that’s you, you’re going to need a serious list. Point 1, at the top of that list, will be booze, because any hostess worth her apricot stuffing knows that nothing gets a party going as quickly as a couple of killer Chrissy cocktails. Those same snifters can, however, also be the cause of ugly scenes between Grandpa and your gay nephew, so Point 2 on the list will probably need to be substantial canapes. Also on the list should be a little Point 3 pep talk with your offspring about not being too greedy with their Santa wish-list and how to behave at lunch, especially if they’re planning to sample whatever’s on Point 1. Point 4 – contact the bank manager for a loan… Yep, I sure love Christmas, and you will, too, if you use the following survival tips.
How not to…drink too much
Ice should be on your list, and lots of it. Not just for your pitchers of homemade punch but also for any bruises or black eyes as a result of falling over the Santa Stops Here sign after the tennis-club Christmas party. In the excitement of it all, it’s easy to overindulge or to mix your drinks a little too freely. Be a clever elf at parties and do such sneaky things as adding cranberry juice to Champagne and alternating the double-strength Yule Mules (vodka/cranberry juice/ginger beer/lime juice) with water. Best to drive to the party, as justification for having “just one”. If an enthusiastic host insists on pressing glass after glass into your hand, accept graciously and then leave them untouched in the kitchen on your way to the balcony or bathroom. But, if you must have too much fun, pop a vitamin B capsule before going out and an aspirin before passing out – hopefully in your own bed and not your host’s bathtub.
How not to…break the budget
I’ve been caught ironing the creases out of last year’s Christmas paper, hiding a home-brand pudding beneath a flaming brandy sauce and buying up big in the July sales in an effort to beat the December budget blues. I’ve also instigated Kris Kringle for the adult members of our family and, when they finished sulking about the lack of generous gift-giving, they got right into it. Now, we jazz it up a little with a game: Guess-The-Cost-Of-The-Gift, the idea being to buy it on sale and dazzle recipients with your savings. What a hoot! If that doesn’t appeal, write a list of people with whom you exchange gifts, then scratch out half. They’ll get over it. Seriously, you might come to an arrangement where you swap homemade gifts (try jars of Christmas chutney, spiced vodka or vanilla sugar) or cards. In other words, work out a realistic budget and stick to it. Allocate a particular amount to gifts. Put aside a little money each week in a separate savings account and don’t be tempted to overspend using credit cards; lock them in a drawer for the month. If you have to use credit, opt for a Christmas account from a department store. They have many benefits, including free wrapping, deferred interest and payment plans. Just make sure you pay off all the debts at the end.
How not to…fight with relatives
Who doesn’t feel like stepping on someone’s mistletoe during the emotional month of December? For a start, you’re dealing with everyone’s expectations of the perfect Christmas – and that always involves more than just a bag of chips, plastic cutlery or a twig for a Christmas tree. Then there’s the prospect of seeing your family, some of whom you haven’t clapped eyes on since…last week.
You can’t choose your relatives, but you can maintain peace and your sanity in several ways – see them in small doses, on neutral ground or one at a time. If you must have them all at once, dilute with a few friends. They won’t mind: it’s amazing how relatives don’t seem so bad when they’re not yours. And when you can’t take your great uncle Henry’s jokes anymore, have an exit strategy – “Will you look at the time? Must get to Mass.” This only works if Christmas day is off-site. If it is on home territory, diffuse tense situations with a good joke – obviously not one found in a cracker.
How not to…overbook your diary
At the beginning of November 1, I set one rule. No Christmas parties. A super, summer, garden party with all the mums and dads from pre-school? Sorry, can’t make it. A knees-up on the company expense account? No can do. Call me a wowser, but when I’m looking fresh, feeling calm and very much in the Christmas spirit and you’re attempting to stab your own eyeball with a fork, you’ll see this isn’t such bad advice. Alternatively, you could limit the number of parties by prioritising. Sangrias at your boss’s house, yes. Beers at the bar with your accountant, no. My father-in-law is one of those people who can’t bear to miss a party, but he’ll only ever stay for half-an-hour, even if the waiters are still circulating (this requires nerves of steel). Smart! Other commitment no-nos include shopping for anything on Christmas Eve (unless, of course, you’re making a head start on the Boxing Day sales), making the costumes for the school pageant and decoupaging the trestle table from last year’s Christmas cards. If you are a Christmas host, opt for various freezer- or fridge-proof dishes, such as chilled soups and legume salads, and keep plenty of fresh fruit for the table.
How not no…stuff yourself silly
This is a hard one for me, because I adore canapes. Who doesn’t love those bite-size nibblies and delicacies with sticks in them, all lined up on a platter? So festive. So fattening. You can do one of two things: eat something wholesome before a party and avoid the gorgeous waiters with their trays of tasty morsels or simply eat one of everything and declare it dinner. (Don’t then join a post-party celebration at a restaurant. Consuming kilojoules after 11pm is just asking for trouble!) When at home, just stick to chicken soup: it’s the panacea for the waistline and the soul. As for surviving Christmas Day without popping a few buttons, well, I’ve never heard of a cure for that.
As you can see, Christmas is not just about giving and receiving, overindulging and having a hoot. It’s about survival of the fittest. It’s also an opportunity for reflecting on something far more important. Summer holidays. So, shake off those excess kilos at a spa retreat. Burn up those extra centimetres on a walking tour of Tasmania. Re-focus your mind at Cable Beach Resort in Broome. Take the family you do love to Sea World on the Gold Coast. By the time you return, your spouse, mother-in-law or boss should have forgiven you for throwing up in your napkin at Christmas lunch and telling them just what you think of them.